I Hate Ayeka, But I Do Enjoy Bikes
by Bubbles
Summary: I hate Ayeka. This makes fun of her. If you like Ayeka, stop throwing dead carcasses at my window. And remember, nuns CAN be your friends.
1. Default Chapter

I dont own Tenchi. But I certinaly love you.  
  
One beautiful spring morning, Ryoko decided it would be best if she went for a walk. The house seemed to be at the point of explosion, for everyone was rushing about trying to get things ready for Tenchi's suprise birthday party. The trees swayed softly in the light breeze, the birds twittered and chirped bringing new life, and the sun smiled down on the earth and all who lived upon it. Ryoko peered skywards, taking in the perfumed air. It smelled of new life, new hope, new dreams. Her peace was suddenly broken by a flash of light, and the loud explosive boom that followed. "Washu! Now look what you did!" Sasami's exasperated voice was mightier than the explosion. "Now we have to completely redecorate the living room!"  
Ryoko chuckled and sat her self down on a large rock outskirting the Masaki Shrine. She sighed, excited for what she knew the day would bring. "Today's the day," she said to herself. "Today's the day I ask Tenchi who he loves, and he chooses me."  
A sudden burst of maniacal laughter came from behind Ryoko, cutting through her like a knife. She whirled around, only to face the first crowned princess if Jurai on the verge of tears behind her. "Oh Ryoko...You really are something." She said, stifling herself from another fit of laughter.  
Ryoko leapt up from her seat and gazed angrily into Ayeka's eyes. "What do you mean!?"  
"Well..." Ayeka said with an evil grin. "You don't really think Tenchi would actually choose a monster like you? And especially not when he could have a beautiful princess like me."  
Ryoko hands trembled with rage as she looked into Ayeka's calm face. "Oh, I can think of a million reasons why he would choose me over you!"  
Ayeka giggled. "Oh really? Well, Name ONE. I bet you couldn't even do that!"  
Ryoko's body relaxed as she thought for a few moments. Ayeka yawned impatiently. "Hurry Ryoko...I'm getting old over here."  
Ryoko suddenly smiled, as if a lightbulb had been lit over her head. "Well, what about the time we first met Tenchi?? You were so rude to him. You even tried to have him killed!"  
"Well, so did you!"   
Ryoko stopped abruptly, realizing what Ayeka said was true. "Oh yeah... Well, I tried to save him from you afterwards! So at least I made up for it!"  
"I don't call highjacking his house and crashlanding it another spot helpful!" Ayeka yelled.  
Ryoko grunted. There was a brief silence, and a cherry blossom petal drifted down and rested easily upon Ryoko's shoulder. She brushed it off, then laughed mischieviously. "Well, what about when we battled Kagato for the first time in the OVA series? I believe it was... episode 6. You just ran around like a little sissy while I went through all the trouble of battling him! We both thought Tenchi was dead! But what did you do about it!? Nothing!"  
Ayeka was silent for a moment, as if trying to think of a decent retort. Unfortunately, to her dismay, there was none.  
"And when we got lost in space with Washu's weird machine in the Universe series, you and Tenchi were always engaged...But who did he end up with??? ME! He was always having an affair with me! He even was having somewhat of a good time with me when we were travelling around as bank robbers! I can give him a life of excitement and pleasure!"  
Ayeka looked at the ground. "I-I... I just always thought that was the animators trying to have a bit of fun."  
Ryoko didn't stop there. "And the second time we battled Kagato in the final four Universe episodes! When Yosho and Kagato were fighting, I went and tried to help! I may have gotten hurt, but I tried. You just stood there like an idiot! Then... of course, LIKE USUAL, you got kidnapped. Oh boo hoo, poor Ayeka, she's just a helpless little wench who got kidnapped by the big bad man Kagato. When he was lifting you up onto his ship you just cried to Tenchi in your annoying little voice. Tenchi of course went to save you, because he's such a nice boy, but all you did to help him while he was fighting Kagato was explode out of your little cage with your magic beer kegs. Then all you did was get pushed by Kagato and you were down and out! Oh no! I think you broke a nail when he pushed you down! I DIED FOR TENCHI. Hear that!? DIED. And you know what? I think that really meant something to Tenchi. Cuz in the final Universe episode, "No Need For A Conclusion," he was ecstatic to see me, and when he went to say good-bye to you on Jurai you just pulled it away from him, probably cuz you were afraid to get it dirty!"   
Ryoko was practically at the point of yelling, and Ayeka slid slowly down on to the rock Ryoko had been sitting on. Her eyes remained glued to the ground.  
"And Tenchi in Tokyo? Well, nobody really liked that series because Sakuya sucks, but Tenchi and I still had our nice date together. He even admitted he was attracted to me!"  
At this point Ayeka was crying, but Ryoko didn't quit. "Just look at the Tenchi action figures! There's a Ryoko and a Tenchi, but no Ayeka! So sad! Even the people at Fanfiction.net think its better that Tenchi and I get together. I bet there are more Tenchi/Ryoko fics than Tenchi/Ayeka ones out there!"  
Silence again, until Ryoko yelled more. "And even when you and I fight! I actually FIGHT, I don't just use beer keg power. What if your beer kegs failed you once, deary? Than where would you be? Probably some old homeless woman who stole from people's backyard barbeques."  
Ayeka got up and an off into the great abyss. Ryoko laughed and she and Tenchi got married and moved to Las Vegas where they now sell photos of Elton John. And Nubeyuki, well, thats a whole other story.  
  
I just want to say that love is a battlefield, so stay clean and don't let your panties get in a twist by the blinding light of snack crackers. Thank you, I'll be here all week, and I urge you to try the salmon patee. 


	2. The Apology

Once upon a time Ryoko was very mean to Ayeka on Tenchi's birthday. This made Ayeka sad. Very, very sad. Ayeka joined the circus and Ryoko felt bad about being mean, so she danced naked in the streets chanting about her lost baby with only one eye.   
The moral is, some people like Ayeka and some people like Ryoko. Sometimes they dont like each other because they want whoever they favor to end up with Tenchi. Or they just think the other person is really really irritating. But you see, when we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so, we are all connected, in the great circle of life. 


End file.
